


Sinners and Saints

by L122ytorch



Category: Smallville
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14622111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L122ytorch/pseuds/L122ytorch
Summary: Clark wanders the countryside and mindlessly begins seeking out Lex. Once he finds him, he attempts the reconciliation that he quietly longs for.





	Sinners and Saints

The sun was on its way down, but since spring had begun stretching into summer, it would be at least eight o’clock before it set. The country side was a rich shade of emerald green, fed by the recent April rains, and the air carried a note of anticipation. 

Spring had always been his favorite season, but this year, even the brilliant flowers unfolding weren’t enough to bring up his spirits. It was as if a dark splinter was lodged in Clark’s chest and any time that he dared to acknowledge it, the hurt only worsened. Rather than try to heal or escape old wounds, Clark had ended up settling with simply existing, especially since the options seemed to be either suffering or complacency. 

Down a long stretch of dirt road beneath a topaz blue sky, he wandered, not I realizing until he nearly stumbled upon Lex that he had been subconsciously seeking out his former best friend. The people who mattered to him most, Chloe, Lex, Lana, his parents, he had all of their skeletons and heartbeats memorized. He could take a deep breath in while standing on the beach in California or the docks in Maine and still pick out each of their scents. 

Clark simply followed the beat of Lex’s heart until it grew louder. The steady thump of it seeming real enough to prove that he was actually alive. He sifted through scents of wood and dirt and dampened plants until he could pick out the trail of expensive cologne, hear the shuffle of silk Versace as Lex subtly moved his arms.

Behind the mansion, a few miles past the property line, there was a small outcrop of rocks that jutted over a precipice and provided a spectacular view of Crater Lake. It was a spot that was definitely off the beaten path, and clearly Lex had not anticipated company. He had gone from reclining like a Lynx in the dwindling sun to whipping around and looking up at the six foot three intruder accusingly.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he snapped, displeased at having been interrupted. But something in his face shifted as he looked at the young man, probably because he wore the same expression as a kicked puppy.

“I...I wanted to...find you, talk to you...I guess.”

Lex’s eyebrows kitted in confusion. “We haven’t been friends for a while Clark,” Lex drawled, already queuing up for a power struggle. “Why would you want to find me?”

Some habits die hard, apparently for Clark those habits included feeling foreign in his own skin. He shuffled his feet, looked at the ground and somehow managed to feel like a blundering high school kid again. But despite the feelings of trepidation brewing in his chest, Kent moved closer and sat down next to Lex. 

He could feel Lex's sphere of space, as well defined as if it were a physical barrier. He saw Lex's defenses raise, could practically hear the wall being assembled. He knew why Lex pushed him away...Lex was scared...scared of just how easily he could pull him in instead. 

Clark had the same problem. He could picture life with Lex so easily, as if the possibility existed in some unattainable version of reality. Somewhere, in another world, in another time, in another universe - maybe he wouldn't have met Lex as a dorky high school kid. Maybe he would have met Lex as an adult, as an equal. Maybe in that other world, Lex would be free. Free to return the witty quips, free to talk all day, free to hold and be held, free to be so deeply entwined with him that his soul would stop feeling as if half of it were missing.

So what could he say to Lex now as the older man questioned why he was here? 

Goodbyes were painful. Tempting. And maybe Clark's soul would reach out so strongly if he said goodbye that it wouldn't even be possible. Would Lex even care? Even care to know that he's the reason Clark was going to move in the first place? That Clark literally simply asked himself where he could go to get away, get away from the maddening closeness of knowing that Lex was just down the highway from him yet forever out of reach? 

The reality of it tore him asunder. He didn't know where to take this conversation. How to convey his hurt at having been abandoned, tossed aside like a useless item when it suited Lex and picked up whenever Lex was bored or his interest was piqued. Could he really be so cold? So heartless? If he was, Clark would gladly give half of his heart to him.

“I found you because...you’re the only person...I can relate to.”

A sharp, dark laugh erupted next to him. “I don’t see how that’s possible Clark. Last I checked, I’m a billionaire with a fucked up family who lives in the moral gray area. And you... “wholesome” Clark Kent with a nuclear family who must be an expert at equestrian arts what with how much time you spend on your high horse...quick to point out everything I do wrong.”

The expression on Clark’s face didn’t shift to the indignant glare that Lex expected, but rather...turned sad. Introspective. And for the thousandth time in their “friendship,” Lex could feel the heavy weight that followed Clark around like a lead cloak, he could almost reach out and touch the barrier of all the lies, all the secrets. 

“Believe it or not...we are a lot alike,” Clark whispered, his eyes fixed on Crater Lake. The water shimmered green instead of blue when the sun hit it just right. “You’re the only person I feel...” the words hung in suspension, snagged on the same invisible barrier that had driven Lex mad.

“Feel what?”

“I don’t know how to word it,” Clark said helplessly, as if that realization was causing him physical pain. “You’re at the top Lex...you’re alone...your family is a mess...you’re the most incredible person...you’re special...you're different and I knew it from the moment I met you. I felt fate snap into place, like a string wrapping around both of us.” 

Lex had parted his pink lips in preparation to reply, but Kent cut him off.

“I’m somewhere too...not at the top of a business empire...but somewhere different, apart from everyone. I’m alone. My biological father is abusive and manipulative, my Dad... Jonathan, is dead. And I’m...I’m special too.”

Luthor was past the point of trying to conceal the shock in his eyes. In four sentences, Clark Kent had spoken more truth to him in twenty seconds than he had in four years. 

“You...know your biological father?” Lex ventured, fully bracing himself to hit a familiar brick wall of silence. 

Clark turned to face him then, his usually bright jade eyes dulled with pain and glassy with tears. They threatened to spill over, but Clark held them back by sheer will, complete with quivering lower lip.

“There’s so much I wanted to tell you Lex,” he choked. “I was so young when I found out about...me being special...and it scared me. My parents made me swear to secrecy and my biological father bullied me into silence. And I knew it was killing us Lex, and it broke my heart, and it still does. I wasn’t ready to tell you when you wanted to know and once I could tell you...I found out that you were collecting freaks and throwing them into Belle Reeve. I heard the disgust in your voice when you talked about them.”

“Clark...I am one of them...remember?”

“I was so afraid of losing you if I told you...then I just ended up losing you anyway,” Clark swiped at his eyes, wicking away the tears. “And I know you hate me, but I need you Lex. I need you in my life. And I know that we’ve fought so much, but it’s only because...”

The word "love" was implied so strongly that it seemed to almost threaten to speak itself...carry itself up and over the rocks on a breeze. "He loves you."

Clark looked down at his hands, his wrists still glistening in the spring sunshine from those freshly shed tears. 

“Because why? Why do we fight so much Clark? Why do we treat each other the way we do?” 

Lex’s gray eyes were a siren song, an honest inquiry, a tiny silver spark that held more hope than contempt for the first time in years. What Lex didn't realize was that for every time he pushed Clark away, treated him with that familiar sharp coldness, that it taught Clark to do the same. He became so touchy and overly defensive because that's what he had picked up from Lex...the lesson was: if you don't care, you can't get hurt. But the problem was that he did care. And so did Lex, whether he'd admit it to himself or not. He may never, and Clark would have to live with that. 

“I’ve fought with you so much because I would do anything for you Lex. I’d fight for you, for your goodness, for your soul. We have a destiny Lex. And when you said I wasn't even your friend...it just...it just turned something in me inside out. It fractured my heart and my hope in a way that still hurts. I never expected much, I never expected to be 'the stuff of legends' but I thought that I was at least that much. Your friend.”

A handful of minutes passed as Lex tried to mentally digest this bizarre spring afternoon.

“Answer me something Clark...” Lex looked at Kent sideways, trying and failing, as usual, to figure out the younger man. “How can what’s pure stand the impure? How can a flashlight penetrate the vast darkness of space? How can love survive in the face of hate? How can tomorrow erase yesterday?” 

Clark seemed to carefully consider the four questions and finally came up with a palatable answer. 

“I’m not all purity and light and love, Lex. I’ve done bad things, I’ve been swallowed by the darkness before. But maybe...maybe you could give me some of your impurity, some of your darkness and hate. And maybe I can give you my light and my love. Maybe yesterday doesn't have to be erased for tomorrow to be better.”

“As poetic as that sounds Clark, I hate to be the one to tell you that people don’t change.”

“That’s not true Lex."

The billionaire snorted. Shrugging the statement off as the musings of a typical young person, blissfully optimistic and completely unaware.

“Oh yeah? Have any empirical evidence to back that up?” 

“Yeah, I do,” Clark answered quickly. His heart skipping beats in his chest as his fingers dug prints into the rock where he sat. 

“And what would that be?” 

“You, Lex. You changed me.”

Lex’s fingers dug into the rock on which he sat, this conversation feeling far more dangerous than any back alley deal or quickdraw shootout. 

“For the longest time, I thought that you only wanted my secrets. It wasn’t until recently that I realized it was never about my secrets, it was about me, it was about trust, friendship, love. You wanted to know me, see me, understand me and be known, seen and understood in return. It’s not fate that keeps bringing you back from the brink of death Lex, it’s me. And it’s for a reason.”

“What’s the reason?” the billionaire genuinely wanted to know. That very question had kept him up countless nights.

“Maybe the reason is...to love and be loved.”

“And you’re the one who’s going to love me?” he mocked grinned incredulously. 

“I already do.”


End file.
